Andy's Bin
The subject of Andy’s missing bin first arose after the discovery of a lost epistle of St. Paul to the local council, included in the very first episode of The Bugle. After being translated by one Professor Alban Strange into English from Greek, this epistle showed a previously obscure connection from Mr. Zaltzman to the venerated holyman in that they both had their bin stolen, and suspected their neighbors at No. 53 of having a hand in the disappearance. Continued Legacy Andy returned to the issue of his stolen trash receptacle in subsequent issues of the Bugle in order to illustrate the futility of nuclear weapons as a deterrent to nuclear war and the flaws of expecting too much of the Christmas spirit, and John also used the absent bin to show that military tribunals are effective and get results (in issues 9, 10, and 17 respectively). Letter Gone Astray In issue 26, a letter was forwarded to the Bugle by Texan Jill Swanson, (the letter had been delivered to her by mistake). The letter was to Andy from his former bin, and explained that it had not been stolen, but had in fact left Andy to be with the people at #53. It stated also that it was happy with its new owners, and that it had been Andy's lack of appreciation for it that caused it to leave in the first place. But due to certain clues in the letter, (such as American spellings and phrases, and the bin's insistence that the people at 53 are nice people) Andy determined that the letter was actually a coded distress signal and that the bin was actually desperate and pining for liberation. It has since become clear through Andy's use of Morse coughing in episode 28 that the bin in question was actually stolen by Impalas. The bin, which was the true evildoer, joined the Impala Armed Forces and is commanding an airborne division of impalas as of latest intelligence. The Fate of No. 53 In issue 70.1, Andy revealed with much fanfare that No. 53 had been repossessed by the bank. Its owner is presumably in dire financial straits. What doomed No. 53 will never be conclusively demonstrated. Whether it was illegal building work, No. 53’s conversion into a brothel, irritated neighbors, the curse of the stolen bin, the credit crunch, or backdoor dealings by the Impala Armed Forces, it is destined to remain a mystery. Andy has since begun colonization of No. 53, via the kitchen and entry hall using his son and heir, Horace, as Viceroy. However he has begun to encounter fierce competition for the lounge in the from of the French, Impalas, and the bank. Horace has reported that his last move has been to take the sofa and TV unit held by Impalas armed with M16s and has requested reinforcmeants in the form of his big sister and teddy bear. War of the Bin Stephen Spielberg has stated that since he is such a fan of the Bugle he would adapt Andy's plight into a four hour feature film depicting the war crimes visited down upon Andy by the lecherous thieves (played by Dick Cheny in blackface and assuming triple roles for himself) John Oliver has a cameo as a crackhead. The film ends with Andy (played by Triumph the Insult dog) bathing in John's Bin, filled with the blood of his enemies, just another day in the life of Zaltzman, convicted murderer. Fuck you Chris Category:Bins